Let’s delve into the topic of perfectionism and its interplay with charisms, or spiritual gifts. We will shed light on the impact of perfectionism on one’s ability to embrace and utilize their charisms effectively while also providing pathways to healing within the Church.
Detrimental Effects of Perfectionism
Perfectionism is not a virtue and does not align with the healthy, well-formed identity that Christians should strive for. There is a danger of tying one’s worth to flawless performance, which contradicts the fundamental Christian understanding of identity and worth rooted in God’s love and grace rather than flawless execution.
Perfectionism can also hinder the effective use of charisms. For example, someone with a music charism struggling with perfectionism can overshadow the impact of their musical expression with a fear of making mistakes. This portrayal underscores how perfectionism can inhibit the full expression and impact of charisms, ultimately hindering both the individual and the Church.
A Beacon of Hope and Encouragement
There are many healing resources within the Church that offer guidance for individuals seeking to break free from the grasp of perfectionism. Among them are ministries like the John Paul II Healing Institute, the Encounter School of Ministry, Unbound, and Life Giving Wounds served as valuable signposts for those seeking healing from perfectionism and the accompanying wounds.
Freedom
Healing from perfectionism is not only possible but likely when availing oneself of the healing ministries available through the Church. Individuals can break free from the burden of perfectionism and embrace your charisms with a spirit of surrender and trust in God’s grace.
Perfectionism can negatively affect the effective use of charisms. But there is a roadmap for healing and freedom. By addressing this significant issue, Charisms for Catholics continues to provide practical guidance and support for individuals seeking to discern, embrace, and effectively utilize their spiritual gifts within the Catholic Church.
Jill Simons:
Hello, and welcome to Charisms for Catholics. My name is Jill Simons, and I’m the Executive Director at Many Parts Ministries where we equip the Body of Christ by helping people learn about and discern their charisms, which is really another word for spiritual gifts. When you discern your charisms, you’re are able to see how the Holy Spirit is already active in your life and where he is inviting you to further build the Church. Let’s dive in. Hello, and welcome to today’s episode. We’re gonna be diving into a juicy topic today that is probably gonna get uncomfortable for some of you. Some people will be like, yep. I always thought that, and that supports my beliefs, and other people are gonna feel a little bit called out.
Jill Simons:
So we’re gonna be talking about perfectionism today and basically what the interplay is between perfectionism and charisms. And I’m just gonna start with a spoiler alert that perfectionism is not one of the virtues. Perfectionism is not something that we are seeking to cultivate in our lives as Christians because perfectionism really becomes about earning and and really proving that we have worth through the perfectness, the perfection of what we do. And so this rubs up very heavily against identity and what it is that we believe about ourselves. And so if you are coming from a place of a really healthy, well-formed identity, perfectionism is not likely to be a big issue for you because you are likely viewing yourself relatively accurately. You are probably accurately aware of what you are good at and what you are not good at and the fact that you make mistakes. And having that identity fully grounded in who God is, especially who God the Father is and how he views and speaks about you then gives you the freedom to really do the same about yourself so that you are viewing yourself as God views you. And perfectionism isn’t really a part of what it is that God is asking of us.
Jill Simons:
I know some people will point to the verse that says, you know, to be perfect as your holy Father is perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect, I should say, and and use that as kind of justification for striving for perfectionism. And I wanna be clear about what it is that we are and are not pursuing here. When the Bible uses the word perfect to talk about how God is perfect and how we are striving to be like God, specifically like Christ, as he was in his human life, that is not the same way that we are using the word perfect when we talk about perfectionism. Perfectionism is really about trying to roll things to a point where there is no room for error. There is no room for mistakes, confusion, frustration. The expectation is that everything is going to be flawless. And that is not God’s expectation for us. Rather, the perfection that is talked about in the Gospels is this idea of becoming more and more and more like Christ and ultimately with a goal of being perfect the way that he is perfect.
Jill Simons:
But there is a heavy dose of pride and also heavy dose of self-loathing that leads into a lot of perfectionism that is not an ingredient in what God is calling us to in inviting us to be like himself. And so when we have people who know that they have charisms, they’ve discerned their charisms, but are simultaneously struggling with perfectionism, it’s always going to be more difficult to really be able to use your charisms from a truly surrendered place because you are looking at really the perfection of what you the part of the part of the, effort that you see. So for instance, with music, I have come across multiple people with a music charism that also struggle with perfectionism. I don’t think that that’s you know, that It’s an automatic. If you have music, you struggle with perfectionism. I just happen to have met a variety of people dealing with this situation. So I’m gonna use it as hopefully an a helpful illustration here.
Jill Simons:
So someone struggling with perfectionism while having a music charism has a tendency to use their charism. Let’s say they’re involved in liturgical music. Maybe it’s a cantering event or something like that. They use their charism. It is impactful for people, but maybe there’s an error made in a pitch or in a lyric or something like that. And for the person struggling with perfectionism, that becomes the defining moment of the entire outing of using their charism, this one mistake, this one error or even several mistakes or errors that are made become the defining feature of that as opposed to someone who’s not struggling with perfectionism using their charisms, it’s incredibly easy to kind of move through those moments of error with very, very little friction. There is an ability to see the fact that the Holy Spirit can transcend their own errors or issues, frustrations, weaknesses, whatever the case might be, and still use that charism effectively even if the human execution lacks perfection. And so we see how though the charism can work and the Holy Spirit can move fruitfully in either situation, what we see the difference in is how the use of the charasm is affecting the individual.
Jill Simons:
And though the charisms are for the building up of the Church, we know that it is not secondary to God that the charisms also are formative to the individual using them. God wants to form you through the use of your charisms just as much as he desires to form other people. And this is not something that we engage in through selfishness. This is just because God cares about you as an individual. He doesn’t just care about you as a cog in a machine to bring other people to him, he cares about you being brought to him. And so if you are using your charisms from a place of perfectionism, you can cut yourself off from that intimacy with God when you disqualify your efforts because of these human imperfections that we might perceive within them. We can say I’ve let God down because that was not perfect. I was not at my best, and so therefore, that is something that becomes a source of shame or a source of frustration that cuts us off from relying more fully on God’s mercy and grace and invites us into really listening to the father of lies.
Jill Simons:
Listening to this lie that unless we are perfect in every small minute detail, then we have no value. And so we see that even though both scenarios might serve the function of building the larger Church, one of them could potentially be spiritually harmful to the individual, whereas the other would be a source of greater connection and reliance upon God. This brings us to something we’re gonna be talking about more as we head into the new year. This idea that though charisms are primarily for the building up of the Church, they have a very real spiritual component for the individual as well. Charisms help us grow in our confidence in how we hear the Lord’s voice and what it is that he’s inviting us to do. They also allow us to develop a greater sense of intimacy with God. Because if you’ve ever worked on a project with someone or collaborated on something, you know that that necessarily fairly deepens that relationship when there’s mutual trust, respect, investment, all of those things. And that’s what we are doing with God.
Jill Simons:
This is really an an avenue of that co-creation with God that we talk about as Christians, whether it’s, you know, creation, quote, unquote, through craftsmanship or one of the other charisms. It’s not limited to a specific subset of charisms that are this way and others are not. And so that’s ultimately why we want to invite everyone listening, everyone in the Church to bring those wounds that lead to perfectionism to Christ. Ultimately, he wants to minister to those wounds and he wants to heal you for you. He cares about how you perceive yourself because you perceive yourself in a and and, I should say how you perceive yourself colors how you value yourself and ultimately how you allow yourself to be used for his mission. I went through a many year period where stumbling over my words or getting things confused, actually, as I just did, like, 30 seconds ago, would have stopped me cold, made me, you know, go back and rerecord, and maybe it would be more professional if I did that. But at the end of the day, now that I am really aware of the fact that I am speaking and leading within the Church from the place of my charism of leadership and also my charism of prophecy with a little bit of wisdom thrown in there as well, I don’t self-edit to the same extent. I’m not looking for the perfectionism of the finished product.
Jill Simons:
Yes. We wanna do polished work. Yes. We wanna do professional work, we’re not striving for perfection because ultimately, that focus would keep me from being as surrendered to the Holy Spirit as I know that he’s inviting me to be. And so it is great to value your work. It is great to have high standards for yourself. It’s great to do your best. But where it becomes an issue is when we get so entangled in the small details, the small issues that arise in using our charisms to the point where we are inhibited from using them again or using them more freely or or responding every single time that the Holy Spirit invites us to use them.
Jill Simons:
Because then we’re really clipping the wings of the Holy Spirit. We’re really saying, I’m I’m only comfortable with you moving in me if I can know that it’s gonna be perfect. And ultimately, we can never know that. We can never know that we’re gonna be perfect because we’re human. We make mistakes. We move in error many times, but that does not disqualify us from the work that God has for us. So if perfectionism is an area of struggle for you, I just really invite you to seek more of God’s heart for you on that front to invite him to show you why that’s a problem. Maybe even after hearing this episode, you’re like, well, I think it’s still fine.
Jill Simons:
That’s your prerogative, but I think that Jesus might have something to say about that were you to ask him. So more than anything, I just want you to leave this episode if you’re struggling with perfectionism knowing that it doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to live like this. You don’t have to feel like this. And there is really true health and healing for you in the arms of Christ. And if you would like some help accessing that, knowing how, what to do, that’s outside of the scope of what we provide here at Many Parts Ministries, but there are so many great people that can provide this for you. I probably sound like a broken record, But I really encourage you to check out, the John Paul II Healing Institute, which is led by doctor Bob Schutz. The Encounter School of Ministry has great healing ministry resources that are available to the public, whether it’s inner healing or physical healing.
Jill Simons:
You can check out their website for more details about what is available on that front. I also encourage you to check out Unbound, which is done by Neil Lozano. And they tend to have local chapters of that that you have a a person that can go through that healing work with you. And if you are specifically struggling as a result of being an adult child of divorce, I really recommend you look at the resources from Life Giving Wounds. This is an issue for many people. As we know, there’s 50% of the population or 50% of marriages, I should say, ended in divorce, meaning we have very, very many adults walking around with the wounds that come from divorce. And the work done by Life Giving Wounds is just incredibly helpful. I know people that have just benefited greatly from that process and maybe didn’t even realize initially that the wounds of the divorce that their parents went through were still affecting them.
Jill Simons:
So those are all resources that you can look into, take advantage of. You do not have to live the rest of your life as a perfectionist. It is possible to heal from that. And not only is it possible, but it is likely if you take advantage of the healing that is available to you through the Church. And if it’s too overwhelming to check out those ministries, just start at your parish, start at your diocese, ask them what’s available for moving through healing wounds that are affecting you and specifically leading to perfectionism. Feel free to send us an email if there’s any more details we can give, for you on this. As I said, this is out of the scope of what we offer, but that’s because so many other places offer it so well. So we are happy to forward you onto them.
Jill Simons:
I hope that you have a great week. And if perfectionism is your struggle, please know that I’m praying for you very specifically this week. And I will be asking for just clarity in your in your walk as you come to understand why that is a struggle and move out of it and into freedom. God bless you would like to learn more about your charisms or begin your own discernment journey, head to our website at manypartsministries.com where you can download our free PDF guide to all 24 charisms and also begin your own journey aim by taking our charism assessment.
